I’ve always hated you, November

I thought I’d be back by now – blogging happily.  I didn’t anticipate another bad October and an even worse November, but I should have known.  October pulled me through because I had to be around to pull off various birthdays.  I’m the Mom and the wife and the friend, so it is up to me to pull things together – and most importantly, pull myself together – for all the birthdays that happen in October.  Now I’m in the throes of November and I remember how brutal it has always been for me.  Funny how the human mind is able to forget so much, but for a long time while I was busy being a Mother to my newborns, I forgot how much I hate November.  When I make it out of this month, I’ll move into another month that will pull me through because I have obligations again, as a Mom, wife, and friend.  Right now though, I struggle to remember why I should get up in the morning.  The dream world is a much better place for me right now.  It is full of colors, sights and sounds that make me feel alive.  When I wake up, my world is grey, dull, lifeless.  It’s a bit like looking through the glass of a dirty window.  Life is there on the other side.  I know other people are enjoying the splendid view out there beyond the window.  I see and hear them having their adventures out there beyond the grimy glass, but I can’t join them.  So, I look for some comfort and relief from the lifelessness inside me and I find it in the dream world and sometimes in a good book, if I’m able to escape inside it long enough.  This isn’t the kind of blogging anyone wants to read.  I’m quite sure of that.  Happy people get tired of hearing about us gloomy chumps, but I figured I’d check in and let you know what is really happening instead of putting on a happy face and pretending everything is okay.

Yours truly,

Bi-girl